Seane Corn

Dreams of Yoga

Embodied learning is very different from the intellectual learning that so often takes place in school, the workplace, and even in every day life.  It is the mind that learns and the body that goes along for the ride.  But there is another kind of learning, known as embodied learning, that happens when the body integrates and commits to memory certain actions and behaviours.  This kind of learning happens on a much deeper level and takes a lot longer.  The principle of embodied learning could be applied to ideas that start as a mental thought of something you’d like to integrate into your life, like for example exercise or flossing your teeth or meditation.  What originates in your mind, has greater power when it becomes memorized by the body as part of your routine.  If you think about something that is so engrained in your everyday activity, like brushing your teeth, you’ll realize there is a certain pattern of motions that you always follow when doing this task, like up and down here, side to side there.  It’s a pattern that your body takes care of without your mind really having to be engaged.

In learning yoga, it seems as though there is a similar kind of body memory that is being established through practice.  By repeating the same series of postures and linking your breath to the movements of these postures, the mind is able to turn off, allowing your consciousness to integrate more fully between body, mind and spirit.  A lot of the ashtanga sequence is still new to me, and in my first mysore practice this week, where we just create our own sequence of postures, I found myself stopping to think about what should come next.  In that moment, I am removed from the rhythm of the practice, the flow of breath from upward and downward movements.  So my commitment with my practice for the next few weeks is to really become familiar with the ashtanga primary sequence so that I can begin to explore my body and breath, rather than think about which direction I should go next.

To do this, I first have to spend some time intellectually going over the postures, maybe looking at a book and figuring a few things out.  But most of the work will really come from practicing, so that my body knows which direction to turn next, without the instruction from my mind.  The body’s process of learning takes longer than the mind’s.  I can memorize the sequence of postures in a day, but it takes 30 days of repetitive motion for something to become unforgettable to the body.  30 days seems like a long time, and perhaps certain bodies learn at different rates, but the point is that it really takes commitment and repetition for the body to integrate something into its cellular memory.  I imagine the same principle can be used for any new habit or behaviour that your mind wants to adopt.  If you decide that meditation or journaling would be a great addition to your daily routine, try repeating this new action for long enough so that it becomes part of your body memory, something so innate it can’t be missed.  Making your mind up to integrate a new practice into your life doesn’t always last, but when the body learns to appreciate and depend upon a certain action (like taking vitamins, eating healthy, going for a walk) when this is missing, it is the body not the mind that asks for it.  Often we begin to know this deeper integration is taking place when we have dreams about the new habit or activity we have acquired.  When I was living in Paris after a few weeks I started to dream in French, which I knew was a sign that my brain was beginning to truly accept and connect the new information I was taking in.  The same is true of my yoga practice, after 3 weeks of intense daily practice, I have started to dream about assuming different postures.

While my mind is excited to advance my yoga practice and see my fellow teacher trainees or even just get to the studio to get my hours, it is my body that asks for the deeper effects that come from practicing yoga.  It is my hips that want to be stretched, my back that needs a good twist, my feet that want to be spread, and my hands that want to reach.  And it is this deeper bodily connection to breath and movement that will have yoga be a part of my life forever.  It won’t be something that I will have to force through will power or determination, it is something that will flow effortlessly from my body’s love and appreciation for the practice.

The Zen of Anger

Stephen Haper has proclaimed “Women and Children” to be a top priority for the Canadian government at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, the initiative of which is to “Improve the World: Rethink, Redesign, and Rebuild”.  At the same time, Canada is one of the highest ranking green house gas emitters; since 1990 our emissions have risen by 25% while the United Kingdom has reduced their emissions to 16% lower than 1990 levels.  The International Panel on Climate Change has stated that we must avoid a rise in the global average temperature of 2 degrees C, relative to pre-industrial levels.  In order to have a chance of meeting this imperative, global emissions must be cut by 50-85% relative to the 2000 level by 2050.  This means that global emissions need to peak by 2015 at the latest – that is five years away.

So what is the correlation between Stephen Haper’s commitment to women and children and the conservative government’s morally reprehensible actions on climate change?  In the next 50 to 100 years nations of the global South will increasingly face the ecological consequences of industrial development, through desertification, access to clean water, food production or natural disaster, it is simply the reality that impoverished countries will bear the brunt of climate change despite their relative innocence in creating the problem.  As we can see with Haiti, when a country is coping with crisis, there are no resources being put into social services such as education or health care.  Increasingly, the global South will be forced to syphon money from public services into crisis aversion and control, leaving women and children, who are the most greatly impacted by social stresses, to cope with far less governmental support.

There is therefore a deeply problematic assumption in Harper’s thinking; it simply is not possible to stand for women and children without also standing for the ecological systems in which they exist.  In Indigenous knowledge, the Earth is referred to as the mother or life giving force, which the post-Industrial capitalist system, which Harper thoroughly supports, has abused to the point of collapse.  Supporting women, who give life, and children, who carry life forward, means respecting the planet as the ultimate context in which all of this is made possible.

We have been endowed with an extraordinary gift of life, and with this gift comes a responsibility to be in right relationship to our own creative nature and the ecological systems in which we exist.  With all of the Western world’s technologies and innovations, there is an equally expansive ignorance, that sees us as separate from the natural world.  In order to truly “Improve the World” we must rethink our relationship to the non-human community, we must redesign how we measure wealth and economic progress, and we must redesign our cities, jobs and international trade practices.

The greatest tragedy of our time, is that we have the intellectual resources to have the world work, it is within our reach, and yet we are using all of our greatest minds to systematically destroy the very planet that gives us life within a vast and mystical universe.  At a time like ours, where hope is so barely audible, anger may be the greatest force we have to catalyze change and demand that all living beings on this planet have the experience of being safe and healthy.

Story Time

Reading is one of my favourite things to do.  I love going to the bookstore and finding the perfect cover, the way a book smells when it’s brand new, the way the cover breaks about a quarter of the way in, the shape the book begins to take as it wears the water stains and folded pages of a good read.

When I was 12 my mom told me the story of her friend who had kept a journal of all the book titles she ever read, which by age 50 was quite a list.  Inspired by this idea, I started my own journal that summer and have been recording every book I’ve read since.  Each book reminds me of a certain time in my life, the ideas I was beginning to explore, and the passion I had for expanding my mind.  I read “A New Earth” in a coffee shop in Paris over a chocolate chaud, and “The Anatomy of Spirit” one weekend working at camp in Northern Ontario sitting in the glorious September sun, the “Gift of Change” I read in a Starbucks in Toronto just trying to make it through the winter blues.

More recently, I have been interested in works by Ken Wilber including “A Brief History of Everything” and “Integrated Life Practice” as well as Brian Swimme and Thomas Berry.  And of course there are a few of my all time favourites including Starhawk “The Fifth Sacred Thing” and Marianne Zimmer Bradley’s “Mists of Avalon”.

There is something about the quality of a book that I appreciate so much.  The time it takes to really commit to reading the whole thing, the satisfaction of truly finishing a book (I can still remember every book I have put down before it was done – Madame Bovary, Three Cups of Tee, and Snow), and the way the characters live on in your mind’s eye.  I’ve heard it said that a lot can be told about an individual’s personality structure based on their favourite child hood story.

Mine, perhaps not so surprisingly, was The Balloon Tree – the story of young girl who lived in a magical land with a secret flight of stairs that came out of her bedroom closet.  I can’t remember much else, but I do recall the beautiful illustrations and those first few moments connecting to an art form that I will treasure always.

Bringing Awareness

My body remembers every single experience I have had in my entire life.  The events and emotions my conscious mind no longer remembers are never truly forgotten by parts of my deep psyche and by every cell in my body.  Energetic healing looks largely to release the fear, anger or shame which is held in the membranes of our cells.  So too does yoga give the body an opportunity to work through the countless memories and impressions it holds from our lives.  When I really think about this, it makes me realize that although my mind may have come to terms with the conflicts I have created, or the times I didn’t respect my own boundaries, my body still holds the impressions of those experiences.  So while I may think these experiences are long gone, in actuality I carry them with me every step of every day.

So often I think of myself as the identity that lives in my head and heart, but “I” am just as much my toes as I am my eyes, I just have greater awareness around certain parts of my body.  Thinking about the wisdom of the body really puts any distrust I have towards life at ease.  Wondering if I will be able to have the impact I desire through work and career is almost as futile as worrying if I will be able to digest my dinner.  Perhaps this is why illness or injury often plays such an integral role in redefining people’s conception of self and life purpose.  Being able bodied I have the luxury to ignore my hips, my knees, and my back.  They are happy and healthy and I can rely on them for everything I need with very little effort or attention.  Yet, when something falls out of balance, we become acutely aware of how miraculous its healthy functioning was.

Thomas Moore writes that it is important to remember that the body experiences pleasure from performing its duties.  The heart enjoys pumping blood, the lungs love oxygen, the kidney is born to detoxify.  Every element of our physical body is pleased to be fulfilling its life purpose.  When I practice yoga I am actively engaging in the pleasure my body experiences when my bones, muscle and skin stretch and sweat, learning to connect with myself as my arm, my leg, my toe or my neck.  These body parts are not just limbs, cleverly designed to carry out every whim of my mind.  My body is a mass of consciousness that tells the story of my life.  My hands taught me to play piano, to sign my name, to cook food, and to plant flowers.  They remember every touch of every surface.  That wisdom is always there, regardless of whether I care to notice, but when I do choose to be aware, I am present to myself on a whole deeper level that really allows me to see the mystery of existence.

Gravitational Pull

I’m beginning to appreciate that the things I am meant to do pull me towards them and that all I need to do in order to experience everything I want in life, is say yes.  Tomorrow I am beginning the first 9hr training session for my yoga teacher training.  I’ve officially signed myself up to do the complete training, which means that come June I will be a certified yoga instructor and will most certainly have completed one of the most rewarding and enjoyable parts of my life.  It is definitely a risk to be taking this on, but it is clear to me that it’s just the next step.  It’s natural and effortless, and not in a disempowering way, as in I don’t have a say in how my life goes, but more so that this is something I can’t avoid, something that wants to come into existence through me.

One of my favourite writers is Ken Wilber, he originated the field of Integral Studies, which looks at all the intersections between world religions, psychotherapy, systems theories, Western sciences, and philosophy, he is a truly visionary thinker.  Right now, I am reading a book he co-authored called “Integral Life Practice”.  The book looks at how to explore and develop your self through four basic arenas (shadow, mind, body, and spirit).  I have been focusing on the shadow readings lately and really enjoying a concept they identify as the “golden shadow”.  The “golden shadow” represents qualities of your higher self that you are drawn towards because these qualities are ready to become manifest in your being.  So for example, I have been intensely drawn to a handful of people lately who are advanced yogi’s.  What I see in them, is something that I am being called to create in my own life, parts of myself that are ready to be embodied.  It makes perfect sense actually, because without that attraction I wouldn’t have been so pulled to advance my enrolment to the full teacher training and actually take the steps towards becoming an advanced yogini myself.

Sometimes who we know ourselves to be now is only a fraction of who we were born to become.  It takes a stepping into the unknown in order to make space for what is possible.  I have absolutely no idea where I will be in six months time, the learning that will come, the relationships I will build, but I know that in taking a risk to open myself to something that is beyond my control, to make myself vulnerable to what I might truly be here to create, I may step into something truly beautiful.

The Light of Haiti

Bellow is a beautiful story I received this morning from a friend.  It speaks to me of the power of solidarity, community, and what is possible when we look for the light.  There is no doubt that Haiti is a source of great suffering and chaos that is largely caused by inequalities in our global order, but as the writer alludes to below, what allows us to awaken to this is a softening and appreciation for people’s humanity rather than the fear and disempowerment that so often is portrayed through the media.

Subject: Kouraj cherie: Update from Port au Prince

January 19, 2010

This afternoon, feeling helpless, we decided to take a van down to Champs Mars (the area around the palace) to look for people needing medical care to bring to Matthew 25, the guesthouse where we are staying which has been transformed into a field hospital. Since we arrived in Port au Prince everyone has told us that you cannot go into the area around the palace because of violence and insecurity. I was in awe as we walked into downtown, among the flattened buildings , in the shadow of the fallen palace, amongst the swarms of displaced people there was calm and solidarity. We wound our way through the camp asking for injured people who needed to get to the hospital. Despite everyone telling us that as soon as we did this we would be mobbed by people, I was amazed as we approached each tent people gently pointed us towards their neighbors, guiding us to those who were suffering the most. We picked up 5 badly injured people and drove towards an area where Ellie and Berto had passed a woman earlier. When they saw her she was lying on the side of the road with a broken leg screaming for help, as they were on foot they could not help her at the time so we went back to try to find her. Incredibly we found her relatively quickly at the top of a hill of shattered houses. The sun was setting and the community helped to carry her down the hill on a refrigerator door, tough looking guys smiled in our direction calling out “bonswa Cherie” and “kouraj”.

When we got back to Matthew 25 it was dark and we carried the patients back into the soccer field/tent village/hospital where the team of doctors had been working tirelessly all day. Although they had officially closed down for the evening, they agreed to see the patients we had brought. Once our patients were settled in we came back into the house to find the doctors amputating a foot on the dining room table. The patient lay calmly, awake but far away under the fog of ketamine. Half way through the surgery we heard a clamor outside and ran out to see what it was. A large yellow truck was parked in front of the gate and rapidly unloading hundreds of bags of food over our fence, the hungry crowd had already begun to gather and in the dark it was hard to decide how to best distribute the food. Knowing that we could not sleep in the house with all of this food and so many starving people in the neighborhood, our friend Amber (who is experienced in food distribution) snapped into action and began to get everyone in the crowd into a line that stretched down the road. We braced ourselves for the fighting that we had heard would come but in a miraculous display of restraint and compassion people lined up to get the food and one by one the bags were handed out without a single serious incident.

During the food distribution the doctors called to see if anyone could help to bury the amputated leg in the backyard. As I have no experience with food distribution I offered to help with the leg. I went into the back with Ellie and Berto and we dug a hole and placed the leg in it, covering it with soil and cement rubble. By the time we got back into the house the food had all been distributed and the patient Anderson was waking up. The doctors asked for a translator so I went and sat by his stretcher explaining to him that the surgery had gone well and he was going to live. His family had gone home so he was alone so Ellie and I took turns sitting with him as he came out from under the drugs. I sat and talked to Anderson for hours as he drifted in and out of consciousness. At one point one of the Haitian men working at the hospital came in and leaned over Anderson and said to him in kreyol “listen man even if your family could not be here tonight we want you to know that everyone here loves you, we are all your brothers and sisters”. Cat and I have barely shed a tear through all of this, the sky could fall and we would not bat an eye, but when I told her this story this morning the tears just began rolling down her face, as they are mine as I am writing this. Sometimes it is the kindness and not the horror that can break the numbness that we are all lost in right now.

So, don’t believe Anderson Cooper when he says that Haiti is a hotbed for violence and riots, it is just not the case. In the darkest of times, Haiti has proven to be a country of brave, resilient and kind people and it is that behavior that is far more prevalent than the isolated incidents of violence. Please pass this on to as many people as you can so that they can see the light of Haiti, cutting through the darkness, the light that will heal this nation.

We are safe. We love you all and I will write again when I can. Thank you for your generosity and compassion.

With love from Port au Prince,
Sasha

Limitations

After an intense ashtanga yoga class yesterday morning (I’m working on my head and hand stand) I found myself increasingly immobilized over the course of the day, to the point where I spent the evening just sitting still and sleeping for 12 hours.  I’ve been contemplating the body as a teacher of limitations.  I once had a conversation with a woman where she was sharing how much her soul loves to travel and how her body actually doesn’t enjoy travelling, the jetlag and new foods always cause her to get sick and just want to go home.  It speaks to me of these two opposing forces that exist within ourselves and the world.  So much of our knowledge revolves around polarities (light and dark, good and evil, man and woman etc.) and within each one of us, we have these opposing energies (body and soul, emotions and rationality, love and hate).

I’ve always understood that yoga was more than just a form of exercise.  It has a psychic/emotional/spiritual component and is an extraordinary access to mindfulness.  Yet, until starting to increase my practice, I didn’t realize how complex the body’s process of learning truly is.  There is a kind of learning that happens on a deep, body level.  Riding a bike, is a commonly used example, but it’s something everyone who has learned how to ride a bike understands.  Once you learn, you really never can forget.  And if you try to remember the Math or English class you had in school that same year it is very unlikely that you won’t be able to remember.  It strikes me as an interesting part of how we grow in our lives.  Our bodies are what carry us through all the adventures and mis-adventures we undertake.  Our bodies absorb everything that we come into contact with, they hold our life stories.  The question then becomes how do I use my body?  Is it the horse I use to run the race of life, or is it something I care for, appreciate, and factor into my decision making process.  If my body needs 8 hours of sleep a night, then I probably shouldn’t choose to add on an extra responsibility knowing full well that it will eat into my resting time.  Learning to consider these things can be a big learning.

It seems sort of appropriate that following my last post, which was speaking more to the usefulness of extending yourself to others, that I would be faced with the polarity to expansion.  Limitation can be a strengthening principle.  Limits can help us make choices in our lives.  I know for myself I often have to remind myself to listen to limitations in my schedule to help me make choices around integrating new things into my routine.  Can I really take that course if I already have work scheduled for that night?  Can I really meet my friends for breakfast if I have class at 10am?  There is so much that I want to do in life, and most of the time my energy is boundless and I am able to take on a lot of things, but it is also important to remember that limits are just as healthy as expansion and just as important in our growth.  Learning to truly listen to the body and all the messages that it sends can be a source of great wisdom.

Happiness

Looking for what you can get is a very different approach to life than looking for who you can be.  It’s a subtle shift, but it truly does make all the difference.  So many of the things that comprise my life (school, work, yoga, home) are premised in large part on the assumption that there is something for me to get; after all why else would I do it?  I go to school to get an education, I go to yoga to get centred, I go to work to get paid.  But looking for what I can get, is dependent on an expectation or an assumption that I am entitled to have life look a certain way and perhaps more importantly there is very little space for me to be a contribution within this context.  If I am looking for what I can get from my department at school, then I never really look for who I can be so that the department benefits from having me as a student.

Looking for what you can get, whether it be from a relationship or any life experience, never fully nourishes the soul as much as the approach of looking for who you can be.  Because in looking for who you can be not only is the expectation released, but a space is created in which you can be fully expressed, transforming the experience into one that you truly value and appreciate.  Looking for what you can get creates a scarcity, as though there is something you need that is missing and that you better find here, or else you will move on.  Looking for who you can be allows for creativity and presence.  If we take a relationship for example, it becomes evident how important this orientation truly is.  If a friend don’t call me as often as I would like, my first instinct may be towards self-pity “I’m not getting a phone call from my friend, she must not really care about me”.  My orientation is towards what I get from the friendship: support and recognition through phone calls.  If I shift this orientation off of myself I can ask, “Who can I be for my best friend so that she feels loved?”  Maybe that’s being patient and accepting that she is busy or maybe it means calling her and asking how her day was.  Whatever the chosen action, in looking for who you can be you acknowledge yourself as a complete human being, create a higher functioning relationship, and get your need met to be supported and recognized.

Life is comprised of many different experiences, some of which are more pleasant than others.  While not every experience in life may be destined to be extraordinary, it is possible to be happy and grateful regardless of what life presents.  Our power and intentionality lies in creating the future.  We can’t change where we are in this moment, but we can make choices about where we want to go and what we want to create in the future.  The nature of the present moment and the future which we create comes from the attitude we bring to the journey.   As my yoga teacher said last night, “happiness is not a requirement, but it is definitely recommended.”

The Yoga Journal

When I was travelling in Turkey this summer, there were so many beautiful open spaces where I was inspired and lit up and in that moment of aliveness I was always drawn into a yoga pose of some kind.  Here I am standing in Vrksasana or Tree Pose, which teaches the art of balance.

In many ways the wisdom of this posture is appropriate to a pattern in my behaviour that has been arising in this first week back to school.  When I think of balance intellectually, I think about finding a healthy rhythm in life that leaves time for work, rest and pleasure.  But when I think about balance within yoga, and sustaining a posture that requires agility and concentration, I realize on a body level how important it is to maintain focus and complete commitment to the posture.

or else…

In the same way that I cannot maintain the posture when I am distracted, so too do I loose all stability in my life when I am not present.  Going back to school, finding the right courses, managing my schedule, all brings up a familiar question: am I truly on the right path to accessing greatness?  I have been looking at other programs including law school and MBA’s, while criticizing my department for lacking a commitment to excellence in performance.  Yet, in the very moment that I ask the question and create the judgement, I shut myself off from the possibilities the present moment offers to achieve greatness.  So, I told myself to focus only on actions that I can take today.  I am not applying to law school or business school today, so I am not going to concern myself with it.  There are a myriad of things I can do today, one of which included entering this blog into a contest to become the next Yoga Journal blog, the other was to call my yoga studio and to expand my Yoga Advancement Program to the full Yoga Teacher Training.  My proposal to the Yoga Journal was to follow my six months of teacher training that will be beginning this January and to connect it as I always connect everything; to my personal growth and to my passion for ecology and social change.

Greatness springs from doing one thing at a time and focusing on that task so that it is done completely.  Vrksasana teaches that balance requires clarity and commitment, something I am bringing into my practice on and off the mat.